I'm exhausted. I am working so hard, I have never worked this hard or wanted this so badly. And it terrifies me to say this out loud, say it at all, but here it is. I am so close, and I want this. I want it so much, and if I don't get it, I will try as hard as I can not to let it break me, but I'm not sure I could do it.
All along I've wanted not to want things, so when I didn't end up getting them I wouldn't feel like a failure. And now events are in motion. Applications have been filled in, signed off, panicked over and it seems, at twenty, I am finally about to prove myself; I've finally given in and given myself a chance.
And I am terrified, and I am so close, and I am desperate. Please, just let me get this.
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