music & books.

I love reading at night & I love listening to music as I fall asleep. I read everything. I like knowing things. I like having opinions, I like arguing, I like romance novels, bracelets, reading entire books in the book-store, gulping them down. I like fingerfuls of fries & the gherkins & chopped onions are my favourite part of McDonalds burgers. I like feeling independent, I like running my fingers over my scars and reminding myself that I am still here. There are no days where I forget my mistakes entirely, try as I might to only look forward.

Sometimes I like to stare at my boyfriend's face til I'm sure that all I'll see when I close my eyes are the contours of his cheekbones. I take the ease with which we fit together as we sleep as a good omen, I find more safety in that than a thousand assurances.

Sometimes I forget where I stop and he starts. Sometimes this terrifies me. Actually, most times this terrifies me. I remember another boy who took this part of me, this trust in him, this feeling of safety, and uh, hit me over the head with it.

But then I look at this boy, and he smiles, and it still hits me just as hard. I am still terrified of being hurt; but this boy took my heart while my back was turned, doing up the locks, and I was laid bare without realizing, my treacherous heart revealing things as fast as my head could take them back.